We All Have Different Parts

Well into my career, a stupendous idea crashed into my life as a therapist, with refreshing results.  This serendipitous idea was and is: we all have different parts.

 

I refer not to physical parts like hands, bellybuttons or spleens; but psychological parts.

 

This is not a new idea.  As this article explains, William James wrote about “various selves” in 1890, and Roberto Assagioli of “subpersonalities” in 1911.

 

These days, the popular term is “parts.”  Familiar and commonly used, “parts” is a word from day-to-day life.  No doubt you have heard someone say, “Part of me wants to do this… but another part of me wants to do that.”  It’s not the most technical word, but people get it.

 

Unsurprisingly, different schools of therapy adhere to differing doctrines on the nature of parts, and what we should do with the darn things.  During my EMDR training, I learned some tricks to work with parts from Ego State Therapy.   Later, I ran across the increasingly popular Internal Family Systems.

 

Debates and disagreements simmer, but I think it reasonable to say there is a common theme amongst the camps.  This common theme answered a nagging question which had plagued me for years.

 

 

No, I Don’t Think So

 

You see, an inconvenient phenomenon dogged me over the first couple of decades of my career.  A person would show up, keen to make some changes in their life. I engaged with this person enthusiastically, keen to help.

 

All proceeded splendidly… until it didn’t.  Sometimes it happened right away; sometimes well down the road.  The result felt like running out of gas when the fuel gauge still showed half-full or more.

 

This did not happen with every person; but with enough perplex me.  So, when this parts business catapulted into view, I jumped for joy in a bit of a Eureka! moment.

 

For suddenly, this kind of therapeutic standstill made sense.  A part of the person took umbrage to doing therapy.

Perhaps this part did not fully trust me.  “Oh, your words sound sweet and supportive enough, Mr. Therapist,” the part might think, “But I’m not at all sure your fancy-pants ideas will really help!”

“If I buy what you’re selling,” it went on, “and drink the kool-aid, I might get my hopes up.  But… if it doesn’t work, I’ll feel betrayed and end up worse off than when we started!”

“I’m watching you.”

 

Perhaps a part of the person felt terrified that we would actually succeed. In doing so, unwanted memories and feelings might arise and overwhelm the person painfully.  Or somehow the person might change, and feel like a different person.  Or they might realize a need to confront and/or forgiving someone, whom they would really rather not.

 

Perhaps a part might simply feel very disappointed that therapy did not magically cure the problem.  Even worse, achieving growth and improvement required work!  Erg.  I’ve blogged before about the brain circuitry – which is one possible explanation of the nature of parts – which resists discomfort, and can therefore throw up roadblocks in therapy.

 

So there are many ways in which parts can get fiesty, and block therapeutic progress.  That realization was exceptionally good news, as it shed light on what do do in these situations.  Learn how to work with these cantankerous parts.

 

And that… is for another time.

 

Happy New Year!