Working With Parts, Part 1

After introducing the idea that we all have internal parts, let’s move on to consider working with parts, shall we?  To this end, a classic Star Trek TNG episode – The Chase – offers some curiously helpful insight.  During the episode, Captain Picard receives the gift of a rare alien artifact.  The abstract humanoid-shaped outer shell can be lifted to reveal numerous little humanoid forms inside.

 

Picard explains that, “The Kurlan civilization believed that an individual was a community of individuals. Inside us are… many voices, each with… its own desires, its own style… its own view of the world.”

 

OK, I admit that I’m a nerd.  I love comics and anything that begins with “Star.”  Yes, I know that it’s fiction (and yes, I know I’m dating myself, as Star Trek is now rather… retro); but wow… Picard really nailed the whole parts thing here!

 

Working with the Community

 

Picard’s statement offers a blueprint for working with parts.  If the “community members” within all of us have their own voices, desires and views of the world, then to work with them one needs to…

a) understand and accept that this “internal community” is actually a thing;

b) tune-in to the voices of the community members, and hear what they have to say;

c) genuinely respect and appreciate what they have to say;

and

d) attempt to negotiate life with these parts and their varying desires and views of the world, as would be the case in any community.

 

If you find this weird, and wonder if I’m losing touch with reality, that’s OK.  That’s kind of the whole point of this blog post.

 

See, that first step of accepting internal parts – or subpersonalities – can be pretty darn hard.  It might well bring up uncomfortable images of multiple personality disorder as portrayed in assorted movie and TV shows.  By the way, as a nerd my favourite of these would be Marvel’s Moon Knight.  The show even got the terminology right, as multiple personality disorder was dropped years ago, and replaced with DID, or Dissociative Identity Disorder.

 

Even without any such dramatic considerations, our society prizes things like certainty, and a single-minded drive to achieve goals.  The thought of disparate – even competing – subpersonalities does not seem like a firm foundation for either.

 

Can’t We Just All Get Along?

 

As one clever person I worked with put it, having internal parts sound like some kind of United Nations living inside.  A lot of debating.  It seems rather frustrating and tiring.

 

It certainly can be.  The good news is, it doesn’t have to.  In fact, our varied parts can be a great source of strength, wisdom, and joy.

 

However, in order to even start trying to work with the cast of characters milling about inside, something is necessary.  Can you guess what it is?

 

Trust.

 

 

It doesn’t have to be perfect and complete trust.  However, distrust of our internal parts blocks working with them.

 

Adding to the difficulty is the (often unstated) preference for competition over cooperation we grow up with.  Think about the multitude of self-help articles and videos surrounding us.  We are supposed to “fight” feelings and thoughts which tempt us to be less productive.  Unwanted habits need to be “overcome” or “defeated.”  Anxiety should be “challenged.”  Apathy must be “crushed.”

 

Personally, this has never worked well.  Telling a bossy part of myself to calm down or shut up doesn’t work.  My parts do not respond with, “So sorry to bother!  I’ll pipe down and behave myself now.”

 

Quite the opposite, in fact.  “Oh yeah?” the part will respond, in a sneering tone.  Then it cranks up the intensity of whatever impulses, feelings, pictures or voices in my head it prefers to barrage me with.

 

 

On the other hand, when I approach my own subpersonalities – even the ones which are hard to like – with some warmth and genuine interest, I have been surprised and pleased to experience more willingness and cooperation.  It feels like developing an alliance.

 

 

Setting the Stage

 

You may feel impatient to learn about practical tips and tricks and strategies.  OK, I’ll get to those.  However, let me stress that techniques and strategies often fail, when time has not been taken to set the stage well (or perhaps set the table, as a meal together often helps to build familiarity, friendliness and trust.

 

You can’t trick internal parts with fancy gimmicks and clever tactics, because they are all part of you.  If what you really want is to defeat and get rid of a part of yourself, that part will know and resist.  Don’t expect to win.

 

If, however, you sincerely want to understand and connect with different parts of yourself, they will know that too.  Often, it takes quite a bit of work just to develop sufficient internal trust and goodwill, to establish the foundation needed in order to start using strategies.

 

So stay tuned.  While you’re staying tuned, start exploring your own inner community.  Nothing fancy; just hanging out a bit and getting to know the cast of your own particular story.  And if you just can’t wait (I admit, it sometimes takes me a long time to get to my next post) here is a great article which goes into much more detail.

 

Live long, and prosper.